So you’ve done it.
She asked...you accepted...and now you’re a bridesmaid. And you hate your job.
It’s an honor to be a bridesmaid
- this we’ve all heard.
But if you’ve ever felt the pain of wearing designer shoes that are too small, you too understand the pain of being a bridesmaid. On the outside everything looks great--you’re cute, everyone is complimentary, and some are even jealous--but on the inside, you hurt like hell. And you want out - like, yesterday.
Do you hate your bridesmaid job? Do you want to know how to get fired? Let me start off by urging you to reconsider doing something so severe. If the relationship with the bride is one that you value, there’s a better way out: quit! As difficult as quitting can seem, know that you won’t be burning any bridges and could save a lot of heartbreak in the long run. But if you’re ready to burn this bridge down to the ground and you still want to know how to get fired as a bridesmaid, here are some surefire ways to spark the flame.
Got your matchsticks ready? You’ll need a few, so I’ll wait…
OKAY LEGGO…
I PRESENT TO YOU:
10 WAYS TO GET FIRED AS A BRIDESMAID
LIE ON YOUR JOB APPLICATION
Agree to do everything you know you cannot afford, don’t know how and are not willing to learn how to do. Sure, your true qualifications will surface later, but nod your head now and keep your inabilities to yourself - until they blow up in your face.
BE TARDY TO THE PARTY
Arrive at least 40 minutes late to every function and give no notice, apologies, or excuses. Timeliness and consideration are for suckers - and great bridesmaids.
MAKE THE BAR YOUR BFF
Who doesn’t drink on the job? Responsible people and people who aren’t you! Drink as much as possible before every wedding event and let all the drunk emotions pour out. Cry, Fight, Confess, Pass Out...do it all. Bonus points if you vomit in public.
DON’T HIT THAT REPLY BUTTON
Ignore ALL (and I mean all) wedding-related emails and texts - no exceptions. Showing interest will only make you appear interested in the bride’s big day and that is NOT what we want, now do we?
BE A GOSSIP QUEEN
Practicing your best Wendy Williams impersonation will work wonders. Has the bride confided in you about her deepest and darkest secrets? Shout them from the mountain top - or whisper them to another bridesmaid. Either way, the news will inevitably make it back to the bride, break her heart and get you the boot you deserve.
MAKE YOUR FELLOW BRIDESMAIDS (YOUR CO-WORKERS) YOUR HATERS
Alienating and being combative with those that you work with may be the best way to lose your job. Be creative here, and remember: if you can’t play nice with others and no one wants to work with you, guess who gets the axe?
DON’T FORGET THE DRESS
Not for your bride - for yourself! When wedding dress shopping with the bride, make sure that your dress is the #1 priority and exactly what you want it to be - whether the bride likes it or not. Hey, you need to look perfect since everyone will be looking at you - right?
COMPLAIN
Keep the complain train running! Here are a few more things to complain about: wedding date, location, table seating, and let’s not forget HER dress, shoes, parents, and let’s throw the groom in for good measure. Remember: your feelings are most important, so share your disdain on all things.
BOOK BADLY
This one goes out to my destination wedding bridesmaids. Booking travel arrangements in a timely manner and with a dependable airline give “you can count on me” vibes. So book your hotel room at the very last-minute and your flight with the worst possible airline - I recommend WhatTheFuck Airways or something similar and watch the cookies crumble. Warning: you may lose money on this one but you gotta do what you gotta do and it’s worth it - right?!?
POINT THE FINGER
Step 1: Make a mistake - the bigger the better. Step 2: Take zero responsibility and blame everyone else. With any hope, the truth will come back around and bite you in the bottom. No one wants to employ a liar - especially for their wedding day so don’t own up to that mistake!
And Voila!
A word on burning bridges...
As you see your freedom in the distance, please do consider the alternative of quitting as soon as possible. If you play your honesty cards right, you can become a Bridefriend and be as supportive as you want, all while keeping your friendship and good name - leaving the stressing to the bridesmaids. But sometimes you just can’t help yourself...That said, proceed with caution my precious relationship pyromaniac!
On the other hand…
If you want to KEEP your bridesmaid job or earn some gold stars, just do the exact opposite of what I’m about you've seen here.
I HAVE A COUPLE MORE KEYS FOR YOU TOO!
I have the perfect podcast interview - just for you!
How can you be the VERY BEST Bridesmaid a Bride has even seen? THE Professional Bridesmaid, Jen Glantz shares her best bridesmaid tips! A bit of background: after being asked by 2 friends in 1 day to be a bridesmaid, Jen put an ad out on Craigslist to offer her services to strangers who may need a professional bridesmaid. Since then she’s been on the TODAY Show, Good Morning America, CNN, Fox News and now HERE with us on the DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings Podcast!
Jen shares her crazy experiences + invaluable tips like:
💕What is a Bridesmaid for Hire + who would need one?
💕How to pick your wedding party members
💕Stopping people from sabotaging your wedding
💕Dealing w/ difficult bridesmaids
💕Preparing for emergencies
💕Traveling tips
💕Specific destination wedding bridesmaid tips
💕+ more!
No worries…you can thank me later!
Or better yet - send this post to your bride and let her know that you’re doing your homework. But beware Bridefriend - you know what they say about snitches...
Just kidding! In this case snitching is welcome - this one time only!
BONUS: JOIN DESTILOVERS!
If you’re not already a member of the DESTILOVERS Community, I’d like to invite you to join the absolute BEST destination wedding planning community if I can say so myself - and I do. Bridesmaids and Bridefriends are welcome too and we’ll be more than happy to have you! Find out more information here.
So tell me:
Which was your favorite? One, two, all, something else? Any more ideas to add? Let us know in the comments below. You may inspire (or save 😉) another Bridefriend with your story.
Love ya lots!
