190 Days - Destination Wedding Journal - Black Destination Bride

DAY 190

Friday, November 18, 2016

Temperature: High 72° / Low 39°...yes, a high of 72 in the middle of November!

What Kind  of Day Did I Have & Why?

Sadappy: Sad & Happy. Sadappy.

Today was a day filled with lots of emotions, most of which can be filed into my Sad File and my Happy File. Today was my LAST DAY WORKING FOR KRAFT HEINZ FOODS COMPANY. I worked there for about 3 years (since I moved to Pittsburgh), and today was my last day. This is where the mixed feelings begin. I've worked very hard and have no bad blood whatsoever about the split. I was asked to move to Chicago, and because that wasn't an option for me, we had to separate ways...Pretty simple. I now get a chance to see what I want to do with my life and I've been excited and super pumped about it. But today, I actually have mixed feelings. I know it's natural, but that doesn't mean it is comfortable.

Happy - starting something new and exciting that I know I will be even better at because I'm going to love it and it will be 100% all mine.

Sad - leaving a job that genuinely enjoyed and was damn good at. I liked MOST of the people I worked with and quite frankly, I was comfortable. 


As a matter of fact, to be absolutely honest (which is my mission), I have to admit that I am also feeling some disappointment and fear. This reminds me of a quote from Sylvia Boorstein, a Buddhist psychotherapist and author. "I can either be frightened of life and mad at life—or not. I can be disappointed and still not be mad.". That's the attitude I want to take.

Correction: This is the attitude I will take. 

We can struggle, or we can surrender. Surrender is a frightening word for some people, because it might be interpreted as passivity, or timidity. Surrender means wisely accommodating ourselves to what is beyond our control. Getting old, getting sick, dying, losing what is dear to us...is beyond our control. I can either be frightened of life and mad at life—or not. I can be disappointed and still not be mad.
— Sylvia Boorstein

How Do I Feel? Health/Lupie Status?

No problems to report. I give it about a 3, which is amazing considering the level of stress that I've had all damn day!

Workout Time & Duration?

Nope, didn't do that either. I did eat pizza and make a delicious large sized tequila concoction. Yes, that makes it cheat meal #2 for the week... And no, cheat meal #2 is not a real thing. At least, it isn't supposed to be a real thing. Don't judge me. 


Destination Wedding Task Tackled:
Haha, yeah right! Try again tomorrow!


Loving Black Love Moment?

Since I was obviously frazzled with my Sadappiness and didn't know what to do with myself, Che was wonderful. He was able to read my mood and really just let me do my thing... Which was nothing. He was a team player today and I know he won't let me go overboard with my sadappy party, but he gave me my uplifting words for the day and gave me a pass. Sometime you have to give the people you love a pass... Sometimes.

What am I happy for?

  1. An understanding fiance who eats pizza and drinks tequila with me on the rough days. 
  2. Pizza
  3. Tequila

What am I doing tomorrow?
Getting my shit together! Today is over, and I'm ready to take over the world again!


I suppose it isn't a coincidence that the format of this post was different than the others.

On top of everything that was going on with my day and feelings, this day also marks my 10th JOURNAL ENTRY!

I've played with the format a bit and will continue to do this because no day is the same.

I look forward to seeing the growth in this process and thank you for following along with me so far.  

and like Sylvia says, 

"I can either be frightened of life and mad at life—or not."
I'm choosing not!

Only 190 more days until my destination wedding!